DreamWorks, Ultimate Santa Adventure; to pay or not? That is the Question

Recently, in the news, you might have heard that a visit with Santa now costs money!

Gasp! 

What is the world coming to now????

Calm right on down, now.

Untwist your under-drawers.

This is not your average, Pervy Mall Santa visit.

There are still multiple offerings around town for a free visit.

This, as the name implies, is the 

Ultimate Santa Adventure  

& for the bargain price of $35, believe me when I say

IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT!

What? $35 to see Santa? NO!

We first noticed, what we have dubbed as the Shrek house

last month when we made our regular pilgrimage to the LEGO store, at the Mall.

Really, a 2 story, LED screened house, being decorated by Shrek & Friends, in the middle of the mall will cause even the biggest scrooge to take a 2nd look.

It's really impressive. 

Another difference, it's important to book your boarding pass to the North Pole, on-line.

For this to work right, like any flight, plan ahead & arrive at your assigned time.

As part of the booking process, you up-load pictures of your children & their Christmas lists.

What? I know. Not to worry, nothing malicious. 

When you go into Santa's parlor, he will attempt to greet each child by name & know exactly what they want.

Crazy pants- he did, & seriously the tiny jaws on the floor were worth the $$.

Included in this were a sled flight simulator (everyone receives a souvenir Pilot's License),

A ride on a real flying sled (take a bucket if you are prone to motion sickness!),

an adventure in 2D computerized gingerbread cookie decorating (order a 3D model on-line, later!),

Plus, the visit with the Man himself, 

& the pictures are even included in the package price (5x7, 2 4x6, 4 3.5x5)!

I don't about you, but if you are a regular Santa Picture Purchaser, you know, 

that you will spend about that much just on pictures.

Seriously, spend the money, if you can, it's worth it!

My 2, & only gripes-

that sled is really realistic! I was already green from a spin on the merry-go-round in the 

Tea Cups, with a child who hence forth will be referred to as Satan, which is a story for another day.

I seriously almost lost my Christmas Cookies, folks.

It is really, really well done.

& no, they don't have air-sickness bags in the seat backs, 

though after I left, they seriously considered adding some.

&#2, a small one- they had a barn area decorated with what I am guessing was supposed to be the reindeer barn/tack room. They made the unfortunate mistake of using Draft Horse sized halters, bridles, etc..... Maybe those fancy people out in Californy can't tell the difference,  but here in the mid-west, you should be ashamed if you can't.

& Now, what I know you all have been waiting for.....

Drum-roll, please.....

Your token, Friendly, Neighborhood Jews, meet Santa--->

As you can see, the children are a natural with Santa, & look well practiced....,.....

Happy Winter Holiday! 

Sisters Book Club, Edition #1: Skip the Book(s)

I was asked the other day, if I had a good childhood. For the most part I would say, yes, I had a fairly okay growing up period.

The asker took this to mean, that not only did I have both parents, but that they also resided with each other, on a continuous & regular basis, because that is an obvious dictator of a nice childhood, but it was for them.

Not so much, & it's a long story for another day, though it's safe to say we could be our own episode of Jerry Springer.

(Is he still on?)

Yes, I had both parents on a continuous basis, & usually in the same town, just not in the same house. Not that I would define my childhood by that.

It ranks more of a footnote in my book.

Dad wasn't always sure what to do with two daughters, & tried hard.

I like to think of Mom & us girls, as the 3 amigos.

We shared clothes, shoes, hairspray & kotex.

But, it was still an interesting dynamic of Mother & Daughters.

Much like the greatest movie of the 90's-

 MERMAIDS,

 Starring: Cher, Winona Rider, & believe it or not, young Christina Ricci

Apparently this movie, was a book first.
I know because I know own it.
Later, there was sequel, which I also own, but really it's just the first book over, plus a few more depressing details that really could have just been jotted down in a paragraph, & we could have skipped the 2nd book & just gotten on with our lives.
Instead, we picked it as our first book club selection, & now I will never have those hours of my life back.

It's a rare, rare day that the movie is better than the book.
Skip the book(s), & just go for the movie.


At the time, I felt like the movie was about us.
1 Single Mother, 2 gregarious children- one of whom is confused about religion.
In an interesting twist, THEY are Jewish, & said child is wanting to be a Catholic Nun.
She is anxiously awaiting a sign, & has the good fortune to have her liberal-loving Mother move them down the hill from a,
wait
for
it.....
A Convent!
(Do they still have those????)

So, it's a little backwards.


Halley & still break into this song sometimes, it's bonding,
even if our French is as good as our Father's, in junior high, when he was told he could pass, if he promised never to try speaking French, ever, ever again....

 PS-     The other day, I had a Fillet-o-Fish sign drop out of the heavens, on me, at work, hard enough that I needed to seek medical attention.
& The entire time, I cannot stop giggling, because this, this is the type of sign that would have excited Charlotte to no end.
Even the treating Physician made a religious reference to the fish sign falling on me, not during lent.


 A word about Mrs. Flax and food: the word is "hors d'oeurves." Fun Finger Foods is her main source book and it's all the woman cooks.


Cheeseball Pick me ups, which are apparently a real thing, the abounding recipes are  proof, though the lack of pictures is suspicious, & marshmallow kebabs.

My Mother grew up in a time when it was still socially acceptable & required to have Help.
I am not sure she has ever mastered boiling water, but she can make a mean can of
Frank-O American Spaghetti.
While all the  family recipes revolve around defrosting & setting a timer on a microwave.
As we are nearing this Thanksgiving season, we are all sad to miss the green bean casserole.
Tongue in cheek aside, she can make a wicked casserole.
& Mayonnaise on steamed broccoli, or plain lays chips with cottage cheese, the food of my people.


So, yes, my childhood was good. It was made into a movie, & my Hotty-McHotty-Hot pants Mother was played by Cher.
I am pretty certain that the screenwriter took some creative liberties.

Because I cannot make this stuff up

1. What you are about to read is the absolute truth. 

I am not creative/imaginative/cool enough to make this stuff up.

2. I wish I could take a selfie

 3.& then my pants fell down. On a public street.

I have a job. A mostly fun & pretty okay job.

I don't see it as an adult career type job.

Some people do, but I am a horrible WASPY snob.

I appreciate several facets of my current employment, I really do.

I know that in this economy I should be grateful to have any job.

Still, I aspire to something, really almost anything, else.

So, I have been seeking alternative employment, that will work around our family schedule.

This is the story of an interview.

This is the truth.

I am pretty sure that I was a Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy in a former life, &

in an effort to remain anonymous, & not get sued for something, some details will be vague.... 

I got called 2 days ago for this interview.

This job was at a phone center, usually featured on award winning & acclaimed shows, 

like, 'Rescue 911'.

As I found myself smack dab in the middle of a Law Enforcement kind of family, I though great.

Now Husband & I will something else in common to talk about, seeing as how we have pretty much used up all the other topics. You can only discuss the weather & your dream camper so many times.

Then the obvious freak out occurred. 

What's a girl to wear?

I have leggings, yoga pants, sweat pants, & some really cute denim capris.

I have sun dresses, cocktail dresses, party dresses, & even a wedding dress.

 No where in that mess was serious adult interview wear.

Thanks to DressBarn, I am now the proud owner of the greatest tailored blazer, ever, & am finally one step closer to acting my age.

I took a poll, & when said blazer is matched with a lovely mauve, silk shell, & skinny trousers (hence forth called adult trousers, even if they are in fact fitted yoga/leggings/running/work-out pants, in that ponte-knit stuff), & very hookery, patent leather pumps (because that is what you have, even if you end up so tall you could be mistaken as Sasquatch), apparently you are interview ready.

Let me just say, having to enter this very scary building, surrounded by hardened criminals, just about gave me a heart attack. Growing up, it was always pointed out to me, that if I ended up in such a place, for any reason, my life, as I knew it, would be over.

&that has stuck with me, 

Firstly, I had to find a parallel parking spot, in which I didn't in fact have to parallel park. 

If you don't use it, you really do use it.

The resulting spot wasn't, in fact, very near to the actual destination.

So I hike, & I hike, wearing those miserable shoes.

Just to arrive at the bottom of a very tall staircase. I am sure that it is some kind of aesthetically pleasing security measure, but those multiple tiny steps that you cannot put your entire foot on at once were nearly the death of me. All 24 of them. Damn shoes!

&, then- it was a group thing. Maybe I am just lucky, but up until this go-round, I have never had a group interview. I think they are stupid, & make for a group of people trying to 1-up the poor guy next to them.

So, the group thing starts off with a quiz about where everyone parked. The closer spaces have a 2 hour limit, & this was going to be more than 2 hours, who needs to move their cars, or would you prefer a parking ticket. Apparently we have a very dedicated parking authority.

Guess who was the only one who needed to step out, & move a vehicle?

Yep. Fail #1.

I dash off, back down those stairs, & trot to the car. 

As I am crossing a fairly busy intersection, I feel the footless body slimmers under my adult trousers, roll down. I mean whats worse? being a sausage or having a VPL? 

Guess what else? it wasn't the under-trouser slimmer....

it was the adult trousers.

I guess working at job 1, contrary to popular opinion on outcomes, has caused me to reduce slightly, around the middle wiggly bits.

The closest parking option at this point, is the ancient & somewhat decrepit, down-town parking garage.

it is old, dark, & not clearly marked. 

Somehow, I manage to make it in, only going the wrong way once, which husband says is not even possible, but I did it, so there.

But, then there is no obvious way to get from here to there, just across the street, so I had to delicately leap over a barrier, & then run back up all those stupid, safety stairs, holding up the adult trousers.

Which brings me to the best part- the computerized test.
It was 2 hours of crazy cakes.
2 hours of reading & listening comprehension, spelling, map reading, data entry, mock emergency calls, typing, & memory skills, all while this little box on the bottom of the screen kept popping up with an emergency & you had to decide what group to send out in response, in less than 15 seconds.
I am pretty sure, my brain, is a male body builder, covered in oil, wearing a tiny trousers, right now.
Talk about brain exercise!

But, then, it turned out it wasn't for me.
Husband & I have decided that only 1 parent, can be at work at a time.
It makes no sense to make more money, if we have to turn around & pay for childcare.
*Sigh*

At this point, I can no longer feel my feet. So I wait, at least, until I am outside to take of the horrible shoes, & shuffle back to the parking garage, still finding no obvious way to get my person into it.
I did manage for the most part to get out of the garage with the car, without much of a conundrum.
Our parking garage is so old, it is cash only.
Yep, I never carry cash.
The lovely old man in the booth, wasn't sure what to do with me, especially when I cried.
So, he was nice enough to just let me out. Which I guess he would have had to do anyway, so I could go to the bank? Or, maybe I would have been trapped for life?

As a final hurrah, because today is payday, & I couldn't get to the store this morning, *(see above),
Husband & I decided to meet for lunch at a local, respectable, family establishment.
I got there first, & decided to wait outside the door- it's a pretty nice day.
Thanks  to the Hookery shoes, some older, & I mean OLDER gentlemen, upon exiting the restaurant, offered my shoes a ride,
 for money.
What?

I mean, yes, I am out & about trying to get a job, but we aren't there yet.
My pants don't usually fall down so easily.

Ode to Travis Birkenstock and his Auntie Mame: Job Edition

You Guys, I have a job.

&, I feel I can best share it with you through a 

multi-media presentation....

This would be me, trying & failing to keep up.

Anymore, in lieu of asking how I can help them,

I ask how can I mess it up for them.

Thus far, I am very consistent.

One of these days, I WILL get everything right.

It's good to have goals.

, 

I am fairly confident,

That this morning,

I successfully, helped several people,

be successfully tardy.

Let's just hope, that with all that extra time, 

they were able to prepare a speech.

Someones in the Sukkah with Dinah

There is something magical about reaching this season- 

no, it's not football, or fall, or pumpkin spice, though, all those things are great;

If you prefer to kick it old school,

This season, is Sukkot, 

meaning, you have survived the High Holy Days!!!!!

Say what?

Rosh Hashanah, the new year, a time to celebrate the worlds creation!

Yom Kippur, when your soul is sad & afflicted,  you must repent (with a 25 hr fast).

All together, it's like Christmas & Easter in 10 days, 

with the fun addition of many, many hours of prayer services.

So, making it to Holiday #3, in less than 30 days, 

alive, 

is really saying something.......

backing up----->

This little nugget was called up to read the Prayers for our Nation,

which we can all agree we need,

a great honor.

This little nugget is also refusing to get his hair cut, 

& the resulting mass of curls peaking out under his kippah

reminds me of 'Bar Mitzvah Boy', on SNL.

this year 

last year 

A little comparison 

& now we return you to regularly scheduled programming....

Sukkot

The festival of harvests,

Because who doesn't want to build a tent & celebrate barley harvests of years gone past?

The main player in this, is the Sukkah-

a 3 sided structure, so you can see your weary guests, ala Abraham,

and an open roof, so you may count the stars as your descendants.

Or, if you make the most of what you've got..... this---->

A 2 sided structure with a hot pink roof.

Husband & I are out of the descendants business ;)

Thanks Mimi & GPH for the great tent.

Sukkot celebrates the fruits of Israel...... so naturally we decorate with fake sunflowers & pumpkins!

......& conch shells?

*Whatever*

& then, keeping with the Mitzvot, 

eat tacos.

Having it together enough, to get this together,

 is miracle enough.

Getting this bunch to actually eat barley is just asking way too much.

Mazel Tov

How I failed my summer vactation

Every year, the Husbands family, gathers in the old home town for a get together.

His entire extended family is in the area, so, gathering them isn't a big deal.

Except, for those family members, that all live up here-

his parents, brothers & their families, 

who we see fairly regularly.

For the last 2 years, at the great migration, 

we were still at the youth ranch, & responsible for the horses.

so we couldn't just dash off.

I can't remember the other why's of we couldn't go,

but we hadn't been in several (5 years).

This year, sans horses, we decided to brave it.

We divided the current zoo up, found lovely & brave people to mind them,

& vacationed for 36 hours, 17 of which were in a car.

AS we were nearing home, last evening, the Husband & I were going over the list of successful bits, & the not so successful bits.

Our #1 major fail-->

We forgot to take pictures.

We were able to visit Husbands Gran, & really meant to take pictures of her with the kids.
Fail #1- we got a picture of her great farm dog...

Then, Husband backed down the shoulder of the highway for this little gem....

fail #2- we could not find a live armadillo.

there were dead ones everywhere......

This morning, I did find one valid vacay photo

but, it like the rest, are all sideways, & I don't know how to fix it....

Husband would call it a fail, but I call it success in a box--->

It made him absolutely bat-poo crazy, but we listened to a book on tape

(which we all enjoyed)

but, in the interim's

we all sang along to the Wicked soundtrack

(Which he did end up humming along to)

Henry even went so far as to assign us all parts to sing.

(Where he drew the line)

It was fun to see the family

I wish they lived closer, & we could gather more often.

Maybe sometime when it is less than 1 cozbillion degrees out, in the shade....

They are a loud & raucous bunch, so just about like any family, ever.

One day, I will get it all right, on the first try.....

Accasius Page Armadillos: Back-to-School

Sing along

Back-to-School

Back-to-School.....

Does anyone know the rest of the words?

So long as you have a snack-pack, does it really matter?

Are your boots tied up tight?

Do you hope to not get in a fight????

It is back-to-school time, here, at the Accasius Page School

in what is our 4th year of home based learning.

New for this year, I would like to introduce our  mascot

Accasius Armadillo 

I love him a lot.
(Drawn in 1979, by Ben Sargent.)

((Posted with his permission))

Over the years, our learning environments have varied greatly, in 

location, organization, & visualization.

No matter what I planned

we always seemed to migrate back to the kitchen table

& less always seemed to be more 

in what resources we needed available all the time.

.

This year, we have this

Eric Carle Alphabet, world maps on the white board, color words above & a calendar station

This Calendar station has moved with us, twice, & is one of my greatest ideas ever.

We don't do a scheduled calendar time, we tried & then we wanted to stab each others eyes out.

I have found with this board, the kids have to work to identify days & months, in relation to whatever they want to know.

We can talk about when, or how  far away something is.

They can see it, & they can touch it.

We can talk about how to spell things

(Tuesday & Thursday are tricky!)

The month Labels include weather markers, or holidays

(Seasons, Order)

WE also, have a book corner.

We have books! 

This is only part of them.

So many, I have had to catalog them into like subjects.

We are also, the only people in the civilized world, who still, both, own & use encyclopedias

BOOKS!

I love books

This year, we are trying a less is more plan.

Last year, we tried a boxed curriculum, & while it was great & covered all the bases,

it was meant for use in a one room, Mennonite, school house.

which, initially, attracted us to it.

If it's meant to be taught by a teenager, with an 8th grade education,

how badly could I mess it up?

Sadly, it was a lot, a lot of busy work.

We don't need to be in school for an 8 hour day. 

There is too much fun in the world, to be chained to a school book alllllllll day long.

Henry, will be in 4th grade this year.

Math-

 Study Time Grade 4

This is from a Mennonite Publisher, and is really great for student directed learning.

We tried computer based math, but a clever boy figured out which buttons to push & didn't actually learn any math.

I really enjoy pencil on paper.

show your work!

Language arts-

Climbing to good English

A great combination of spelling & grammar, also student directed 

642 things to write about

Of all the books, in all the world, this one had to come to my house.

I am so excited for this one!

It is a book of creative writing prompts/ journal.

Henry Hates writing, anything, capital H.

This book is so, so fun, I don't think it will be a struggle.

Other

Science & Health

The amount of love, I have for this publisher is great.

This is a Mennonite book, so things are a little different (4 food groups), 

but they don't expand on ideas that we would rather not expand on yet-

this year features body systems.....

Geography

It's American Geography! 

I am trying to work myself up for this one....

George & Mary, will be in 1st grade this year

The 3 R's + Science 

Learning numbers with Spunky

Language Arts

Reading-

Sight and Sound Reading

Sight and Sound reading is a really cool, video program, that can, potentially, be totally free!

You, the parent, have to do, very little teaching.

Teaching reading, is probably the most overwhelming part of all of this.

I am excited to outsource it, this year!

I did have to shell out for the book of reading sheets, because our printer has entered old age, & isn't real excited about printing any more....

Otherwise, you can download & print the sheets for FREE.

Check them out.

Other-

Patterns in Nature

A more in-depth nature study, that really gets into the why's.

Everyone also has a primary journal, with the divided top & bottom pages for writing & illustrating, 

plus a regular composition book- which I like better because the pages are meant to stay in.

We have also added Hebrew School , this year.

This great program features easy, & colorful handouts covering the Jewish year, beginning Hebrew vocab & intro to the Alef-Bet.

And now.... the back to school picture

#Winning 

I think this year will be great