Slacker Mom's giuide to Passover 5776

 

 

Well, that time is upon us again....

They tried to kill us, it didn't work, so let's eat!

Just not bread.

Happy Passover, Folks.

 

Hopefully, on this first night of Passover, all your cleaning is done,

& nary a crumb of leavening can be found in your house,

& your family & friends are gathered for a

Martha Stewart Living approved Seder,

with flowing wine & delicious dishes fit for a centerfold lay-out.

 

Or, your family had the stomach flu this week, so though you didn't hunt crumbs with a feather & candle, your house is pretty clean.

I mean, I did wipe what could have been melted popsicle
 out of the fridge seal.

& we all know that is a catchall for weird stuff.

You might have also started a new, & really super great job & registered for summer school at University.

& you just do your best with what you've got.

 

Even if that means, realizing you can't find any of the dozen Haggadahs you own,

at the very L-A-S-T minute,
& feeling like you have absolutely lost your mind this time.

 

Crisis averted.

Like any typical slacker Mom, we tend to get our stuff together in the end.

& besides, it's Passover:

The original drinking game,

sent down by none other than

G-d, himself.

Cheers!

 

 

We, & by we, I mean myself & the Bestie,

the total of young families at our Temple,

wanted to make this first night something fun

for the younger crowd.

 

The 2nd night, will be at Temple,

& it's really fabulous,

it's also really hard to get the kids through.

One day they will appreciate it, but that day is not this week.

 

 

So, we had grape juice out of my late Grandmothers cut crystal juice glasses,

made interpretive seder plate sculptures

& watched Disney's Prince of Egypt.

 

 

There was also roast chicken, but I feel like, of everything,

that was a given.

 

 

I had this idea last year, for the kids to each have their own seder plate,

so they could mess with stuff.

It was discouraged.

& ta-dah, ready made seder, this year.

 whatev.

 

 

These lovey creations will be displayed for the 2nd night.

 

 

 

I haven't decided, if we will take TicTacs again, tomorrow, for the plagues.

But, I feel like probably, yes.

We really had a lot of fun with them last year,
& it was an easy way to give the kidlets something to look forward to, & tide them over.
A box of rainbow + a box of white, & they can eat each plague as we pass it in the Haggadah.

 

 

Quick & easy, friend, quick & easy.

 

When you believe

 

I have to say, after watching this movie Ten Bazillion times, the kids are starting to realize injustice in the world extends past them.

Which is what this all is about.

 

& wine.

Wine is important, too.

 

 

 

 



Oh, for the love of......

Magical Panties

We didn't do it on purpose, but if you needed to triangulate the house, like they do on the fancy Crime Shows,

you would find us between a Walmart, a Tractor Supply

& a Menards....

basically anything you ever need for life,

& if they don't  have it, you certainly don't need it.

I know it's not really PC to love Walmart, land of the underpaid,

& cheap foreign made goods,

most likely made in a sweat shop using child labor.

But, I really love Walmart.

It's quick & easy, & more importantly, just 'round the corner.

Last Tuesday, I ran over, early, to pick up some milk.

Just a quick in & out, before my sweet, little, love muffins woke up & demanded to be fed, again.

I can only assume the High & Mighty's do this on purpose, but you have to pass woman's wear on the way to the milk.

Sneaky, McSneakers.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the most beautiful pair of panties I have seen in a long time.

They are a beautiful blue,

& more importantly they are not the standard Mom-issued, sturdy brief.

I'll freely admit, I have fallen into comfort & function over,

the racy & trashy crowd.

After having my parts beat up by 3 giant heads, my thong days are long past.

But, as every woman knows, there is just something about

pretty underpants, that is magical.

If we can get our small clothes together, have killer eyeliner

& a good hair day

we can be unstoppable!

You guys, I had to, they were calling my name....

& from the clearance rack no less!

Did I mention they were soft, & silky?

Just holding them near my check was an experience.

I took them off the hanger, and wadded them up in my hand.

Because, I don't care, I wasn't about to stroll through the dairy section with hangered panties.

Milk in hand, I casually saunter up to the blessed self-check.

NO weirdo is going manhandle my bloomers!

They wont scan.

I try to put in the code.

Apparently after the third time, it rings for assistance.

I get Pauline.

Pauline, bless her heart, is now waving my britches around, trying to get them to scan.

They wont.

She can't get the code in, either, & beckons her friend over.

At this point, the commotion has caught the attention of the youngster guarding the door.

I'm dying, & here comes Pauline's, bestie, FRED.

Fred with 2 hearing aides, neither of which appear to be working.

He starts waving my gorgeous knickers all over kingdom come.

won't scan.

Pauline decided to get on the PA & radio for help.

I don't know how long Pauline has worked there,

or if she had ever used the PA,

but I am pretty sure

you don't page for someone from the ladies underpants department.

The door guy, forgetting the door, is about rolling on the floor.

Most people, at this point, would just give up.

It's a sign that they just aren't worth it.

Not me. Nope.

We are going home together, like destiny intended.

this committee of Walmart workers, because now, we have a small crowd gathering,

have decided to enter them manually into the register.

But, they have to decide what to call them.

I would have gone for panties, or if I was adventurous,

maybe, underpants.

Nope, Pauline is given the honors,

Blue Lacy Panties.

I can't even acknowledge the door greeter on the way out.