Magical Panties
We didn't do it on purpose, but if you needed to triangulate the house, like they do on the fancy Crime Shows,
you would find us between a Walmart, a Tractor Supply
& a Menards....
basically anything you ever need for life,
& if they don't have it, you certainly don't need it.
I know it's not really PC to love Walmart, land of the underpaid,
& cheap foreign made goods,
most likely made in a sweat shop using child labor.
But, I really love Walmart.
It's quick & easy, & more importantly, just 'round the corner.
Last Tuesday, I ran over, early, to pick up some milk.
Just a quick in & out, before my sweet, little, love muffins woke up & demanded to be fed, again.
I can only assume the High & Mighty's do this on purpose, but you have to pass woman's wear on the way to the milk.
Sneaky, McSneakers.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the most beautiful pair of panties I have seen in a long time.
They are a beautiful blue,
& more importantly they are not the standard Mom-issued, sturdy brief.
I'll freely admit, I have fallen into comfort & function over,
the racy & trashy crowd.
After having my parts beat up by 3 giant heads, my thong days are long past.
But, as every woman knows, there is just something about
pretty underpants, that is magical.
If we can get our small clothes together, have killer eyeliner
& a good hair day
we can be unstoppable!
You guys, I had to, they were calling my name....
& from the clearance rack no less!
Did I mention they were soft, & silky?
Just holding them near my check was an experience.
I took them off the hanger, and wadded them up in my hand.
Because, I don't care, I wasn't about to stroll through the dairy section with hangered panties.
Milk in hand, I casually saunter up to the blessed self-check.
NO weirdo is going manhandle my bloomers!
They wont scan.
I try to put in the code.
Apparently after the third time, it rings for assistance.
I get Pauline.
Pauline, bless her heart, is now waving my britches around, trying to get them to scan.
They wont.
She can't get the code in, either, & beckons her friend over.
At this point, the commotion has caught the attention of the youngster guarding the door.
I'm dying, & here comes Pauline's, bestie, FRED.
Fred with 2 hearing aides, neither of which appear to be working.
He starts waving my gorgeous knickers all over kingdom come.
won't scan.
Pauline decided to get on the PA & radio for help.
I don't know how long Pauline has worked there,
or if she had ever used the PA,
but I am pretty sure
you don't page for someone from the ladies underpants department.
The door guy, forgetting the door, is about rolling on the floor.
Most people, at this point, would just give up.
It's a sign that they just aren't worth it.
Not me. Nope.
We are going home together, like destiny intended.
this committee of Walmart workers, because now, we have a small crowd gathering,
have decided to enter them manually into the register.
But, they have to decide what to call them.
I would have gone for panties, or if I was adventurous,
maybe, underpants.
Nope, Pauline is given the honors,
Blue Lacy Panties.
I can't even acknowledge the door greeter on the way out.
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