A Tale of Two Nurses

There were in fact significantly more then two nurses involved, but it just sounds nicer.

Also, DISCLAIMER, 

I have the upmost respect for nurses. They work long, sometimes thankless hours, 

& have to put up with joyful people just like me. 

So, here goes.

Because deep down I'm 6 years old, I had to have tubes put in my ears.

While it was discovered I have very desirably straight ear canals, that is where anything good can stopped being said about my ears.

My dearest dad was called upon to chauffeur me 

& being the good sport he is, always the Ethel to my Lucy, he came through again.

Per the usual when left to my own devices, we arrived at the hospital 15 minutes early, 

& of course, per their usual, they were running behind.

I do feel it's only fair to point out that this was very early on a Tuesday following a Monday Holiday, or what I like to lovingly refer to as Pretend Monday.

& Not all of us were allowed coffee

& some of us who could, really, really should have.

& Everyone involved except for dad really should have made use of the available sedatives.

When we finally got back to pre-op, my assigned nurse(s) was(were)  having what I can best describe as a rough day & it was just beyond 8 a.m.

I tried to be pleasant, & offered witty banter that was immediately swatted down 

as crazy-pants rushed around 

& I kid you not- called someone to ask for back up, 

repeatedly hollering into the phone that they didn't have enough staff.

A few things: while my mothers disagrees, I feel like I'm pretty unflappable 

& remain calm per the situation. 

   Also, like a wasp with a horrible poker face, I like you until I don't & you'll know it.

I was ready to jump ship at this point.

But it gets better.

Then came the old hospital gown, & the instructions to remove everything, 

leaving only room for the Holy Ghost.

Ummmmm. NO.

Some of you might have a hard time believing it, but deep down I'm pretty modest about my stuff.

They were not getting me out of my undermost layer.

& were much dismayed over it. 

assuring me that they were mindful of my personal modesty.

& finally trying to convince me there was a chance I might have an accident under the anesthesia

 & would be forced to wear wet pants home.

Oh, friend. 

I've had 3 babies, with rather large heads.

I don't cough, laugh, sneeze or jump & on the off chance I do, there's a spare pair in my purse.

I'm a mom, I come prepared for anything.

But, I really think my favorite part was when she was quizzing me on my pain tolerance.

HER: On a scale of 1-10 how high is your pain tolerance?

Me: Ummmmmmm

HER: When do you reach for the Tylenol or Advil?

Me: Ummmmmmm I don't use those.......so?

HER: But when?

Me: I don't know, 10?

HER: That's equivalent to someone having their leg cut off with a chainsaw.

Me: I had natural childbirth more then once & on purpose?

HER: Not possible, pick another number.

Me: Ummmm 7?

HER: Better.

Because really, why don't you just tell me what would end this, please.

Then, came the IV.

No surprise I disagreed with Satan's choice of  vein for the IV, in my lower fore arm

& at this point was somewhere between crying & leaving.

Me: That vein will either blow, or be very uncomfortable.

HER: Well, too bad.

(it didn't blow)

HER: you can put your arm down, I'm done.

Me: Ya, that feels like my leg being sawed off, I'd rather not.

& Then blessedly she left, 

but not before chucking a copy of patient rights & responsibilities  at me, to include a lovely paragraph about respecting religious & moral beliefs....

-------END NURSE 1------

Like a breezy ray of sunshine, enter nurse 2

BROOKE

Everyone should be like Brooke.

She smiled, she was happy, she made me feel like it was all going to be okay.

Our time together was short.

After Brunhilde had made me feel so horrible about staying covered, I apologized to the surgery team about having to work around my underthings, you know what they said?????????

WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE

even if in their minds they wanted to strangle me, or accidentally drop me  off the table.

They were lovely & reassuring. 

So to Nurses Brooke & Shauna, & Anesthesia Andy

Thank you.

& Just like my last words, I'll bring you cookies.

I'd also like to acknowledge the  recovery nurse, I never did get your name, Thank you for the tissues.

I don't get sick after anesthesia, but Lord if I don't have a good cry.

I've been reassured many times that my hearing will return one day, 

& the kids are pretty tickled that I can blow air out of my ears now,

But given the option to do this in the hospital again, 

I'm going to seriously rethink having it done, awake in the clinic & use my high pain tolerance to experience my ear drum being numbed- something described to me as being stung by 10,000 wasps. 

I like wasps, & chainsaws, just not unfriendly nurses. 

G Fuel, won't kill you: an unboxing

Because of my allergies & everything else, I have to be 

(or I'm supposed to be.....)

 very careful about what I eat & drink.

But, I 'm finding in my old age that I need a 

little bit of something

 in the morning to get up & running.

  & of course there is a lengthy list of traditional morning bev that are on the No-No list 

& for the most part I choose to ignore it,

 fall off the wagon & feel like death.

Sometimes, I try to get on the wagon

 & go for the current fad coffee replacement 

& those have  tried to kill me too......

After trying one of those well know peppy drink mixes this summer & feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, both from caffeine & price, I decided there had to be a better way! 

So, I did what I do.

I googled.

I amazon-ed. 

I read reviews. 

& I found.......

It's funny to me that after all these months, after finally liking all their social media, the G in G Fuel, stands for GAMER! 

If you know me, you know I fairly well loathe video gaming  It's a bad word.

So, I'm going to dwell in my ignorance 

& pretend the G stands for GREAT.

The short version of a long story that gets us to the point: my most recent amazon order got lifted off my porch. I was sad. 

I emailed GFuel, because amazon was being 

shady about fixing stuff. 

& they sent me a replacement order, & some groovy samples! 

It comes in a boring brown box.

with boring brown paper.

There are no frills, & this is clearly not marketed to girly-girls.

No floofed sparkly tissue to be seen.

I do like that all the packaging is super 100% recyclable 

& not wax/paperboard.

These 40 serving tubs retail for about $35, which if you do the math is less than $1/serving.

(you can make a custom sample box to try flavors, 

or have handy single serves)

I couldn't get a good picture, but the included scoop has a built in funnel so you don't spill it everywhere if you are adding to a bottle of H2O.

What I enjoy the most, besides their excellent customer service, is the taste! 

We can all agree that sometimes "supplements" can be chalky & have a horrible after taste.

OF the 5 flavors I've tried, 

I'd have to say I agree with the reviews 

that compare the taste to Jolly Ranchers.

They offer a wide variety of delicious & popular favorites- some caffeinated & some not.

There is something for everyone. 

& I am super excited that the artificial sweeteners used don't give me a raging headache.

Cup by COOL GEAR

FIND IT HERE

• 0 Sugar - Unlike our “competitors” who rely on loads of sugar to provide you with a false sense of energy, we don’t – Which means zero “crash” 

• Energy Complex - Caffeine is a natural stimulant consumed worldwide. The primary benefit is that of cognitive function stimulation - Essentially giving your mind a "jump start" when it needs it most

• Focus Amino-Fortified - Our addition of a focus amino provides you with a unique edge that most other drinks on the market cannot

• Packed with Antioxidants - Just the right balance of antioxidants that work in tandem with our vitamin complex to promote healthy cell production

• Vitamin-Fortified - Our formula contains the perfect combination and subtle ratio of 

Vitamins C + E + B12 + B6

Cheater Enchiladas

Work Smarter, Not Harder 

Who remembers a time when they could sit & watch any TV show they wanted without

A) any distractions

& 

B) having cable (is that still a thing?)

I can remember the afternoons of the Food Network- 

Rachel Ray, Alton Brown, & my personal hero-

 Sandra Lee, of Semi-homemade Cooking.

I have previously mentioned the long line of

 cookingly challenged people  I am descended from, 

& it must be genetic. 

No ones gotten food poisoning lately, so that is an improvement.

Reheating is my game.

This magical creation comes to us, because I forgot to thaw out the roast for the crock-pot......

The crock-pot that is meant to make cooking easier- 

no muss, no fuss.

No lie, I struggle.

If I do manage to thaw the meat, 

I either forget to plug the darn thing in, or turn it on.

On those really special days, both.

Fortunately, I do plan meals for two weeks, 

& keep a stocked pantry....

which brings us to 

CREATIVE COOKING

& That, I excel at! 

Because it's stupid, never ending, freezing, arctic winter, 

I have been keeping the freezer full of quick & easy stuff 

the kids can eat 

(ie: blow through like starved wildebeest) 

on the never ending snow days. 

Also, I've received constructive comments 

that pictures are appreciated. 

So, in breaking with tradition, there will be food pictures.

 TO DO or TO NEED

1 can of enchilada sauce of your choosing 
Frozen burritos of your choosing
Cheese, also of your choosing
A baking dish 
An oven 
(though I wonder if these could be microwaved in a pinch?)

Step 1- put a layer of sauce into the bottom of the pan, before you put in the burritos.....

Step 2- Put the burritos back into the prepared baking dish.

Step 3- more sauce

Step 4- If you are using a glass baking dish, make sure the oven is cold. If you put a cold pan into a hot oven the glass can explode. Don't ask me how I know........

Step 5- AFTER putting your pan into the oven, heat to 375 & bake until burritos are hot & sauce is bubbly (potentially 35-40 minutes)

Step 6- Turn oven off & sprinkle your "enchiladas" liberally 
(or not) with your cheese.

Step 7- let rest in oven until cheese is melted (about 5-7 minutes)

That's it kids. 

Gourmet enchiladas.

They might not impress company, but they'll feed growing boys.

The night my daughter made moonshine

Just Kidding, shes 10.

Separately, she did make some glittering soap....

Back to the point.

She did ferment rice water.

But not to drink. 

Maybe you've seen things floating around about 

FERMENTED RICE WATER HAIR RINSE

or, like me......not.

The baby woman is suddenly on a quest to grow 

her usually bobbed hair 

into long flowing Rapunzel locks.

There has been much YouTube watching of

folk, home & pretty random remedies.

This one was not

1. expensive 
2. or
3. overly smelly 
4. or
5. hazardously flammable (ie: counterproductive)

You can google the specifics, but apparently fermented rice water is acidic 

& that balances the PH of the hair. 

Also, obviously the water would absorb some of the starch, which we can assume would coat the hair, helping to prevent breaks, helping it to grow.

It was also suggested to pair with a vigorous scalp massage 

(pssst! that increases circulation = increases growth)

& as we learned, a few squirts of this starchy goodness to the roots, really perks them up- be it through bulking them up or freezing them like hairspray.

I don't really care about the particulars.

TODO

Firstly, find the spray bottle you will be using. 

Friendly reminder, if you want to add some essential oil so you don't smell like cooked rice, you need either a glass bottle or stainless steel. 

Bottle from GROVE COLLABORATIVE
Thanks MOM! 

Fill the bottle up, measure the amount, & pour into a bowl. 

add 1/3 the amount of water in rice.

she used jasmine, its what we had.

Cover & let sit overnight, up to 24 hours, agitating occasionally.

Drain your fermented water into a sauce pan, bringing to a boil for 3-5 minutes, let cool.

Funnel into your handy-dandy squirt bottle.

add some essential oil you like

(She picked citrus )

That's it. Spray hair liberally. Comb through.

Look like you paid a whole bunch for a blow out.

I found conflicting next steps- some said to use like a mask & wash out after 15-20 minutes.

Others said to use like a volumizing, root boosting hair spray, leaving in for the day/s.

I don't know that it will necessarily help, but I'm not worried about her hair falling out either.

BEFORE 

AFTER

I was so surprised how this actually turned out, I wasn't planning to take pictures.........

But, I thought it was too amazing not to share.

Sarah's Magical Soup : Creamy Chicken & cheesy tortellini

First of all this was a total team effort, kind of. 

& friendly reminder, for a cooking post, there won't be pictures.

No ones food ever turns out like the pictures, so, pressure off.

Someone posted a creamy crockpot chicken recipe on facebook, & it looked delicious. 

& then, today someone mentioned chicken noodle soup 

for the cold weather. 

& a light-bulb!

RECIPE-ish

one sweet onion diced

2 whole carrots, washed & chopped 

2 TBS butter 

carton of chicken stock or broth 

2 cups of water

small can of cream-o-chicken soup, undiluted 

1 block of cream cheese, you pick the variety, softened

shredded chicken, canned or otherwise or not at all 

Tortellini, as much as needed

TO DO 

add the diced veg to warm stock pot, with butter,

 over medium heat,

to soften 15-20 minutes, stirring as needed.

Add in stock or broth, simmering an hour until fragrant. 

add the rest & boil as needed to cook tortellini.

season to taste!

salt, pepper, garlic, parsley, etc.......

Feel free to add greens :)

Be warned though- 

children who were happy to eat all these things previously

will boycott 

because:

They don't like chicken soup

There might be potatoes 

There's chicken  

There could be veg hiding 

(All very real possibilities, except the soup,

 it is in fact soup, but since when??) 

HI-HO SILVER: My thoughts on marriage

You might have guessed from the title, but just in case,

 be prepared for horse analogies.

 Just saying.

I had a video pop up in my Facebook memories today, 

& it got me thinking how marriage is like a team of horses, 

aside from the obvious that they & you are linked together.

But if you think of pulling a load, up a moderate incline, 

not even barefoot in the snow both ways, 

if you both aren't working together, it just ain't gonna work. 

I don't care who you are.

This does happen to be an example of in the snow, but that's just a challenge in life.

When you watch the video,

 it takes the pair a few tries to get started together,

 but they do 

& they are successful!

With the help of their farmer,

 talking to 'em,

 telling to come back or move on,

 they make it to the top.

This is my garage door. 

& if you haven't noticed, 

there is some kind of weird crack between the frame & whatever the other part is called.

We, Mr D & I, 

noticed that some weeks back after arriving home.

& our conversation went something like this----->

me: There appears to be a crack

him: Yes, I noticed that last week

me: well, maybe we should do something about it?

him: some spray foam would fix it

me: That's easy. I can get some the next time I'm out.

(& I do)

& that picture was taken tonight.

It's actually become a friendly joke.

Because that crack is pretty much our entire relationship.

Could I find a step stool & spray the darn foam?

Easily.

 I've become pretty handy at fixing stuff since getting married.

This next video, sums up what happens when 

you don't pull together 

& the train wreck that ensues.

Surrounded by people who care about them, 

everybody comes out ok, though. 

TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK

*WARNING* 

this video will make you want to cover your eyes & hide.

I promise, promise 

everybody gets up & walks away just fine.

It's tense.

It's scary.

IT'S HORRIBLE TO WATCH

Imagine what it must have been like to go through.

I like Big B......just kidding

This is my refrigerator, 

& I'm sure by now you've noticed that it's smaller then the average bear.....

or typical American refrigerator.  

& here is why---->

I had a larger version, that mostly fit, but not well. 

There was much cabinet rearranging to make it fit, 

& it was heavy enough it took several large men to maneuver it into place. 

After nearly 4 years it died.

RIP.

During one of the hottest summers in the history of forever.

When the A/C also went over to the other side.

mkay?

I was hot & tired 

& lacking in large men to maneuver.

& really felt called to use the rearranged cabinets

 I couldn't reach over the top of another flat 

& inevitably cluttered surface.  

I. WAS.OVER. IT

We've (& by WE, I mean I) have been making a point of trying to live purposefully.

& I realized as I was cleaning out a large 

& no longer cold refrigerator,

 how much extra 'stuff'' we (& by we, I mean I)  

had accumulated.

Enter my fun size fridge-et.

I can both maneuver & reach over it. 

It also forces us ( & by us, I mean me, the grocery shopper) 

to be thoughtful about what is bought & kept. 

No more very new cheese or very old meat lurking in the corners.

It's about big enough for milk, butter & our veg.

not much room for excess.

I was previously, & still am, in possession of a lovely, big pantry & a chest freezer.

You'd be surprised what you can freeze...

& because it's in the basement & frozen

 I don't have to worry about the 

bottomless pits called pre-teen boys 

snatching whatever they can find.

Starving as they might be.....they don't hunt. They scavenge.

I do miss my ice maker, but not so much that I want to step in puddles of melting ice, abandoned by the same boys, 

who can also not bring themselves to bend over 

pick up dropped ice.

Such is life outside the box.