Holy Moses, life isn't always fair

We've all heard the quip about making plans & G-d laughing.

Sometimes no matter how you plan, & no matter how hard you try, life doesn't always go the way you want it to, & you don't always make it to the promised land.

Take for example, Moses. The poor guy goes through so much, works as the hand of G-d,

gets it together, getting the people out of Egypt.

I mean parting the water, & schlepping all these ungrateful, whiners all over kingdom come.

Getting right up to deliverance, &........nada.

Maybe he didn't always give his best effort.

Maybe he would rather have just stayed in bed.

Maybe he waffled more than we know about confronting pharaoh, I know I would have.

He was promised relief. A reward of a lifetime.

& it just didn't happen.

& that frustrates me to no end.

Life isn't always fair. Sometimes it just doesn't turn out like we wanted, despite our best efforts.

Sometimes, that's the lesson.

Waffle Sunday: Whisky is a breakfast food

Welcome to Waffle Sunday!

You know what they say? the only things certain in life are death, taxes & waffles on Sunday.

It's a fact Jack!

Whisky Fried Apples

4-5 medium baking apples, cored, & sliced thin

1 stick butter or margarine

2 shots whisky 

1/2-3/4 c white sugar, depending on taste

Toss into a pan over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until apples are soft, & the caramel is bubbly, about 20-ish minutes, remove from heat.

Seriously, its that easy. 

Serve over your favorite waffles. 

Get fancy with a dash of pecans, a pinch of cinnamon, or not.

Eat responsibly. Don't waffle & drive.

Tres Amigos Enchiladas

Let's all take a minute to thank our lovely South-of-the-border friends, who were kind enough to bring us delicious foods, featuring melted cheese & spicy peppers.

..........................................................

When I was in college, I mostly survived on alcohol, of any kind, + black bean & corn salsa by the gallon, with tortilla chips,

 though drinking it would not have been below me......

Black beans & corn are magical together, the Romeo & Juliet of Mexico, but no one dies.

So, why Tres? 

It's the cheese. It's always the cheese. 

the Cheese had me at Hello.

These are seriously so yummy, they can be my amigos for life.

*Disclaimer* I am not a good cook, & most everything I make, sort of looks like a congealed pile of vomit,  this being no exception, but it is based around refried beans, cream cheese & corn......

There will be no tastefully staged photos, so use your imagination.

Also- the great thing about Taco Tuesday (or Thursday) foods, is that they offer a wide array of variations. Make your own tortillas, or use dried beans. Have fresh corn, use fresh corn. I don't know how to make cream cheese, but if you do, have at it. Like onions, or extra spicy,  go for it.

If, on the other hand you are a tired adult, needing to, once again feed the little people in your life, feel free to use frozen or shelf-stable stuff. Whatever.

Stuff 

2c refried beans

    2c corn                 

              2c black beans                 

       1 block cream cheese

     16 Corn Tortillas     

     4c Shredded Cheese

          5-ish c Enchilada sauce

Gently fold the first 4 ingredients together.

Line the bottom of your baking dish with a drizzle of Enchilada sauce.

Smear a wad of beans into a tortilla, fold, placing seam side down in dish. repeat, trying to get more into the tortilla than you do on your fingers.

When the dish is full & the bowl is, hopefully, empty, 

pour over the sauce, trying to spread it evenly.

I always put glass dishes into a cold oven, 

because lets face it, pre-heating is a myth & waste of energy, 

& a cold dish in a hot oven, in my experience, means I will be picking bits of glass from an exploded pan out of my food.

So, when your cold dish is in your cold oven, set it to 350, 

to bake, for about 35 minutes.

Turn the oven off (it's still hot enough),

& toss the cheese on, leaving it in the oven until melty.

This dish will feed the Army, with leftovers.

Quick, Cheap & Easy, just the way we like it! 

Slacker Mom's giuide to Passover 5776

 

 

Well, that time is upon us again....

They tried to kill us, it didn't work, so let's eat!

Just not bread.

Happy Passover, Folks.

 

Hopefully, on this first night of Passover, all your cleaning is done,

& nary a crumb of leavening can be found in your house,

& your family & friends are gathered for a

Martha Stewart Living approved Seder,

with flowing wine & delicious dishes fit for a centerfold lay-out.

 

Or, your family had the stomach flu this week, so though you didn't hunt crumbs with a feather & candle, your house is pretty clean.

I mean, I did wipe what could have been melted popsicle
 out of the fridge seal.

& we all know that is a catchall for weird stuff.

You might have also started a new, & really super great job & registered for summer school at University.

& you just do your best with what you've got.

 

Even if that means, realizing you can't find any of the dozen Haggadahs you own,

at the very L-A-S-T minute,
& feeling like you have absolutely lost your mind this time.

 

Crisis averted.

Like any typical slacker Mom, we tend to get our stuff together in the end.

& besides, it's Passover:

The original drinking game,

sent down by none other than

G-d, himself.

Cheers!

 

 

We, & by we, I mean myself & the Bestie,

the total of young families at our Temple,

wanted to make this first night something fun

for the younger crowd.

 

The 2nd night, will be at Temple,

& it's really fabulous,

it's also really hard to get the kids through.

One day they will appreciate it, but that day is not this week.

 

 

So, we had grape juice out of my late Grandmothers cut crystal juice glasses,

made interpretive seder plate sculptures

& watched Disney's Prince of Egypt.

 

 

There was also roast chicken, but I feel like, of everything,

that was a given.

 

 

I had this idea last year, for the kids to each have their own seder plate,

so they could mess with stuff.

It was discouraged.

& ta-dah, ready made seder, this year.

 whatev.

 

 

These lovey creations will be displayed for the 2nd night.

 

 

 

I haven't decided, if we will take TicTacs again, tomorrow, for the plagues.

But, I feel like probably, yes.

We really had a lot of fun with them last year,
& it was an easy way to give the kidlets something to look forward to, & tide them over.
A box of rainbow + a box of white, & they can eat each plague as we pass it in the Haggadah.

 

 

Quick & easy, friend, quick & easy.

 

When you believe

 

I have to say, after watching this movie Ten Bazillion times, the kids are starting to realize injustice in the world extends past them.

Which is what this all is about.

 

& wine.

Wine is important, too.

 

 

 

 



Oh, for the love of......

Magical Panties

We didn't do it on purpose, but if you needed to triangulate the house, like they do on the fancy Crime Shows,

you would find us between a Walmart, a Tractor Supply

& a Menards....

basically anything you ever need for life,

& if they don't  have it, you certainly don't need it.

I know it's not really PC to love Walmart, land of the underpaid,

& cheap foreign made goods,

most likely made in a sweat shop using child labor.

But, I really love Walmart.

It's quick & easy, & more importantly, just 'round the corner.

Last Tuesday, I ran over, early, to pick up some milk.

Just a quick in & out, before my sweet, little, love muffins woke up & demanded to be fed, again.

I can only assume the High & Mighty's do this on purpose, but you have to pass woman's wear on the way to the milk.

Sneaky, McSneakers.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the most beautiful pair of panties I have seen in a long time.

They are a beautiful blue,

& more importantly they are not the standard Mom-issued, sturdy brief.

I'll freely admit, I have fallen into comfort & function over,

the racy & trashy crowd.

After having my parts beat up by 3 giant heads, my thong days are long past.

But, as every woman knows, there is just something about

pretty underpants, that is magical.

If we can get our small clothes together, have killer eyeliner

& a good hair day

we can be unstoppable!

You guys, I had to, they were calling my name....

& from the clearance rack no less!

Did I mention they were soft, & silky?

Just holding them near my check was an experience.

I took them off the hanger, and wadded them up in my hand.

Because, I don't care, I wasn't about to stroll through the dairy section with hangered panties.

Milk in hand, I casually saunter up to the blessed self-check.

NO weirdo is going manhandle my bloomers!

They wont scan.

I try to put in the code.

Apparently after the third time, it rings for assistance.

I get Pauline.

Pauline, bless her heart, is now waving my britches around, trying to get them to scan.

They wont.

She can't get the code in, either, & beckons her friend over.

At this point, the commotion has caught the attention of the youngster guarding the door.

I'm dying, & here comes Pauline's, bestie, FRED.

Fred with 2 hearing aides, neither of which appear to be working.

He starts waving my gorgeous knickers all over kingdom come.

won't scan.

Pauline decided to get on the PA & radio for help.

I don't know how long Pauline has worked there,

or if she had ever used the PA,

but I am pretty sure

you don't page for someone from the ladies underpants department.

The door guy, forgetting the door, is about rolling on the floor.

Most people, at this point, would just give up.

It's a sign that they just aren't worth it.

Not me. Nope.

We are going home together, like destiny intended.

this committee of Walmart workers, because now, we have a small crowd gathering,

have decided to enter them manually into the register.

But, they have to decide what to call them.

I would have gone for panties, or if I was adventurous,

maybe, underpants.

Nope, Pauline is given the honors,

Blue Lacy Panties.

I can't even acknowledge the door greeter on the way out. 

 

Darn Delicious Cheesy Green Enchiladas

Firstly, I cannot take creative credit for this recipe, it's not mine.

But, I try to do my part to spread the good word, & this is good stuff.

Secondly, I will, once again, not include any pictures. I feel like food pictures cause unnecessary stress. Make your own, & know that if it tastes good, it is exactly right.

Thirdly, this exceeds my 3 ingredient maximum, & takes more than 20 minutes, so you know it's special.

Ingredients

12 flour tortillas (or whole wheat, low carb, maybe even gluten free. mix-n-match)

3 Cups cooked & cubed or shredded chicken (whatever, see above. Quick & Easy)

12 ounces flash frozen Spinach  (please, not the kind smashed in a box, you have to squeeze that kind- not quick, & easy, definitely gross)

4 ounces cream cheese  ( low fat, or Greek yogurt based, knock yourself out)

14 ounces diced tomatoes ( try Rotel for an added kick!)

2 cups shredded cheese (You can't go wrong with cheese, but I would encourage to skip the stinky variety this time. Anything else? A-OK!)

1 cup Sour Cream

7 ounces salsa verde (Literally translates into Green Salsa. That's college Spanish right there)

Smash together, the chicken, spinach, cheeses, & tomatoes, much like you would with a meatloaf. Get your hands dirty, just wash them first.

Prepare 1 super large baking dish or 2 smaller casseroles-

we're feeding the masses here, expect leftovers,

with a quick shot of cooking spray.

Roll a good handful of filling into each tortilla, placing seam side down in dish. Repeat.

When filling bowl is empty, dump in sour cream & green salsa, mixing.

Don't fret over all the filling crumbs. No reason to make this any harder, & it will still taste yummy.

Spread over enchiladas.

Pop into a cold oven.

Seriously, pre-heating is such a waste, & it won't change anything.

Bake at 350 for 20 -30 minutes,

or until it smells good & looks even better.

will yield enough to feed my family of 5, still leaving 7 whole enchiladas for later.

They are seriously delicious & super filling.

The star in my window

This, is one of the Torah Scrolls at the beautiful Temple my heart calls home.

It was liberated by the Allied Forces at the end of WWII. Found in a Nazi warehouse. There was no record of where it had originated, & even if there had been, chances are good there wasn't anything for it to be returned to.

At some point during its sad journey, it had been set on fire.... not while it was safely stowed away, closed in the Ark.

But, instead while it was open for reading.

Was the Rabbi alone, when Hell descended?

Was he leading a Service?

How many people were ripped away from their families that day? Did they have anything to return to?

Was anyone left?

People died for this.

For what, G-d?

Because someone said a group of folks were inferior, & the cause of all the worldly problems.

Get them taken care of, & it would be a utopian society-

life would be grand, & lollipops all the time.

NEVER AGAIN

Modern Day Etiquette Suggestions for the Concerned Fast Food Consumer

Firstly, let's get one thing straight-->

I take my college degree to work in the fast food industry, everyday.

I, actually,  enjoy it.

It's a place you can go where everyone knows your name,
(Dave, Dave, George, Everett, Larry, George, Tommy, Gary)

or at least how you take your coffee.

Much of my time is spent manning the drive-thru,

& I can almost bet, that some of these things have never even crossed your mind.

Or, maybe you are a really great person, & none of these apply to you.....

I feel like to most obvious thing here is, BE NICE. I know we all have off days, but please, make the effort to be pleasant or at the very least courteous. We are like wasps- if you are nice, we are nice. If for any reason you choose to be a pill, it will probably not end up in your favor. I can put up with a lot, but like you, am human also, & will only put up with so much.

Another big one, PLEASE LAY OFF THE CRACK. I knew there were drugs about this town, but I never knew they were so free flowing!

THE SPEAKER----->

Please know, anything you do or say in front of the speaker, we, on the other side can hear. EVERYTHING! If you are on the phone, or talking to someone else in the car, we hear it, magnified by a million. That also includes your loud engine.

Maybe you have a fancy car with a big engine. Guess what we can hear? Your Engine, & only your engine. If your order is wrong, cut us some slack, we were admiring your Hemmy.
If your car, on the other hand, is need of maintenance, do us both a favor & get it looked at.

                        IF THERE IS ANYWAY YOU CAN JUST TURN THE DARN
                        THING OFF, THAT IS A-OKAY!

if you can't that's fine, but you can smooth things over by apologizing (see suggestion #1)

SPEAK UP, SPEAK CLEARLY! When you roll up, please have a plan, & share it in a clear, concise manner. It's fast food, not rocket science. It also helps, if you order food served at that particular establishment. But, please, SPEAK SLOWLY. Especially if you are making a large, or special order. There are a lot of buttons, on a lot of screens, & I will have to punch them all.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Going from the speaker to the window is not a race. Please, Take your time, & HAVE YOUR PAYMENT READY. Please, do not hand me a wad of bills. If you must pay in change, which I understand, seperate out individual dollars. Handing me a gigantic handful of pennies, will get us off on the wrong foot.

& a note, especially to the men---> I don't know what exactly you do to your debit & credit cards to mess them up so badly, that they can't read. Stop, just stop.

Above all, just, please, please be nice to your fast food workers. They might work a minimum wage job, but they are not minimum wage people.

     

Waving the Flag

As, I am sure you are all asking,

"What, flag, exactly?"

The middle child flag.

Proudly.

If you have seen the 1st Home Alone movie,

now celebrating something like its 20th or 25th anniversary, if you need to feel old,

in the first 10 minutes the only thing the adults talk about is a.....

voltage adapter.

Question #2

"What, on earth, does a voltage adapter have to do with being a middle child?"

that is a fair question.

The miniature people in my house received the 4 volume set of Home Alone movies, recently,

yes, 4 (who knew)

& have been watching them on repeat,

the way children are apt to do.

so, we have been chatting, frequently about all things,

to include voltage adapters, what they do & why they are needed.

As a side note, my trusty old Lenovo Laptop, went to technology heaven today, after 10 lovely, & education filled years.

RIP dear friend.

Before you decide to rob us, it has been replaced with a tiny, space-aged looking micro book/tablet/thingie.

This futuristic artifact arrived with, wouldn't you know,

an adaptable charger.

How cool is that? You can change the prongs!

Which of course led us back to talking about voltage adapters.

Here was a real one.

A total nerdy/teaching moment.

We even pulled out the globe,

& talked about France- the Holiday destination from

Home Alone #1.

............................

Still.......the point?

As I am stirring the pasta sauce for tonight's gourmet meal,

I got to thinking.

My sister got to go to France, for a summer exchange program,

in high school.

Before she left, we scoured all of Kansas City for a voltage adapter.

Which, if I remember correctly ended up catching fire in Paris.

All things aside, No one ever offered to send me on a summer exchange.

Neither of the parents can remember why.

Though, 3 or 4 years ago, well into my 20's, I announced that I would like to go to California

for a Hippie Retreat,

& Mother insisted that if I did go, that I take a chaperone, & not travel by myself.